


alone is the worst you can be

by orphan_account



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: All characters mentioned, angsty but ends fine, apocalypse kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 07:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “It’s not your fault.” or in which Yoshiko is responsible for all and for them.





	alone is the worst you can be

“It’s not your fault.”

         A town turned into nothing. Houses that become dust and buildings that are just debris. Memories that begin to be forgotten and crowds that go separate ways. Two girls on top of a hill. Three, actually, but one’s asleep. She’s also the one that’s not supposed to be there, but authority means less and less as time goes by.

         “I never thought it was.” One of the girls say. She’s crying, but she pretends she’s not. The other girl decided to ignore that and the fact that she’s lying and looks away from her friend.

 

* * *

 

Yoshiko said she hated Uchiura more than once. It wasn’t a secret that she always wanted to be born in Tokyo and live in a big city of some sorts. She hated Uchiura, she had said a few times, muttering those words harshly under her breath. She hated it because it was boring and small and so different to a sophisticated city. But now that Uchiura is destroyed she didn’t think she’d be this sad.

         It didn’t matter how, it mattered when. Three days before Hanamaru’s birthday things started to happen and Hanamaru ended up celebrating her birthday on the remains of her family’s temple. The celebration didn’t last long, though— Ruby didn’t like the temple now, she didn’t want to say it but they all could see it distressed her to death. And as Hanamaru got sad, too, when being there, she decided that that year she wasn’t going to turn any older. That year she was going to remain sixteen until whenever, until things took a turn. And Yoshiko doesn’t know why, but that made her feel sadder than anything. Like her dumb edgy stupid comments had made someone sad or something, she wasn’t sure. But she is sure that Hanamaru's sad smile with tear-filled eyes is the thing she wants to see the least.

         People leave and it becomes a weird thing to stay. Some people leave because they say something about the people that died, something about their ghosts. Yoshiko doesn’t say anything and goes to the supermarket to steal something for Hanamaru and Ruby. She enters through the broken glass and gets something, whatever. She checks the expiration date and wonders what they’re going to do when that date passes. She feels like Dia, a bit. She’s the oldest out of the three, so she feels responsibility over them. Especially since Dia’s last words towards her were ‘find my sister and take her out of here’, which she didn’t. Yoshiko’s too scared to leave, and it’s strange that the first time she doesn’t want to leave Uchiura it looks like the apocalypses.

         Ruby doesn’t know her sister wants her to leave and find her. Yoshiko doesn’t want to tell her because she has the weird feeling that if she does, things will get worse. And things are bad as they are, because beauty is that fragile, sometimes, and it breaks that easily when people aren’t thankful for it. Yoshiko keeps having nightmares about how it is all uniquely and exclusively her fault and how she should keep her dumb big mouth closed forever. She wakes up covered in sweat, those times, looking around to check if Ruby and Hanamaru haven’t left her all alone, because she’s afraid of being alone, too. That’s what scares her the most.

         She rides her bike back to what was left of Chika’s inn. Yoshiko leaves the food before the broken down front door and rides away. She’s been feeling embarrassed lately— she feels like she only is a bother to Hanamaru and Ruby, like they can handle things perfectly on their own. Or maybe she’s starting to see things that don’t happen. Whatever, she thinks. Things are still her fault, even if Hanamaru likes to say they aren’t. Thing is that if it weren’t for Yoshiko saying what she said three days before Hanamaru’s birthday then things wouldn’t have started to happen. Or so she thinks. Maybe she thinks that because she wants to get rid of all responsibility regarding the girls. She doesn’t like responsibility, she doesn’t like being in charge, all of that because she doesn’t like being at fault.

         She wants to find Dia for a few seconds and cry to her. She wants to hit her a bit too, because she made her become her sister’s new big sister while she was away. Yoshiko hates that. She can barely take care of herself, how come Dia chose her to care about her dear sister? She loves Ruby too, and because of that she doesn’t feel like she can take care of her. Maybe Dia saw something about her that other people didn’t, and when she thinks about that she feels even worse. She isn’t good— she’s terrible, and she doesn’t know why people used to be so resolved on calling her a good girl.

         She rides to the top of a hill and falls seven times only. New record. The eighth time she falls she decides to leave her bike there and that’s it. She walks to the top and looks at the sun. She’s turning eighteen, soon. She’s turning the age the third years would always look like to her in just a few months. She hugs her legs. She wants to be like Hanamaru and wishes she could’ve stayed fifteen forever. When she was fifteen things were easier and she thought Uchiura wasn’t that bad. But she grew up and her complaints did, too. Even if she loved Uchiura in the bottom of her heart and her words were always empty of meaning.

         She’s the last fallen angel, she thought. Time to do something so she can get her wings back. She sighs. The boring world she complained about turned into something far from innocent. She’ll never forgive that unstable world for making Hanamaru cry on her birthday and Ruby and Dia miss each other. She stands up and looks at the dust and the sea. She has to do something to make the sacred world come back.

         She rolls down the hill after trying to run. As she falls, she rolls and rolls and rolls down and thinks about black and white wings and her stolen feathers. She’s a fallen angel so into falling she thinks it is funny.

         And maybe memories will make her feel okay again. She can see You, as she runs. You saluting her and smiling and her smile is too good for this world and to be true, too shiny. She sees Riko, Riko blushing and then Riko mad and then Riko trying to contain her giggles because she’s shy like that. She can see Mari on her helicopter being crazy as ever and Kanan swimming in the sea, being as calm as the waves. She can see Dia scolding her for whatever reason she didn’t think it was worth being scolded for and Chika telling her to just be herself because that’s when she feels the happiest.

         She cries her way to Chika’s inn. Maybe Uchiura was a sacred place, the place she’s supposed to be. She walks inside to find Hanamaru reading a novel and Ruby reading a magazine. They look like they always had looked and Yoshiko smiles and sighs and feels thankful for once. She didn’t think it’d make her so happy, to see her friends like that.

         “I’m home.” She says. But it means more, much more than that.

         “Welcome back.”

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooooooo hi yall! dropping by and doing the random song challenge i did on 2017 again owo which means i will post one (1) fic per day based on a random song from my library, that until next monday (cause i wont be able to post on thursday:(). i started this fic yesterday (with a whole different idea on my mind) based on green day's last of the american girls (and also heavily influenced by yoshiko's solo, in this unstable world). i hope yall like it, bc i did lol. anyways, take care and see you tomorrow! remember to smile o7 peace out!


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